Thursday, June 25, 2009

Who knows us?

M: How well do you know me? Questions include: Which of these movies best reflects my personality? What time am I usually in bed by? What is my middle name? How many times have I traveled out of the country?

Milica: Hey M, is there anything that you don't know that other people do know about you? Some new insights....

M: that's an interesting point you raise, but how would I create an fb quiz to yield those new insights ;) ?

Milica: Well, my point was that we often have idealized images about ourselves, i.e. we can know less about ourselves than other people see in us. So, *I* might think that the movie that represents me is XYZ but in reality, others see me (because I am truly like it!) as ABC. XYZ can be (a lot) better or worse than ABC :) I might think I am a moron but I am kind and considerate, or I might think I am a super hero but am actually selfish and arrogant.

Also, my point was that trivia questions like: what is my favorite movie? really do not tell us if someone Knows us, or even more, Cares to Know us.
Someone who truly knows us and Cares to know us is someone who knows how many spoons of sugar we take in our coffee and serves us that, who knows the note that makes our eyes schine the most, and what we are like when baby wakes us at 2am. And a lot more, it is difficult to put in words.

Also, the best way to find out if someone knows us and cares about us is to take them to a difficult situation and observe. Simple things: do they care to know how many spoons to put into our coffee? Family dinners, business receptions, are all good tests. I once carpooled in a car with a driver under influence and needed a ride back with someone sane. I asked a prospective suitor, but he was in a rush to go somewhere else and never even said a "sorry" about my situation. So much for that moron, he will never take time to know me. Another one I asked to come with me to the most important activity I do, meditation group. He never did. So he stands no chance of ever knowing me.

And so on. Mothers usually know us the best :) At least mine is super accurate :) "Ok you ditched that guy, he WAS a moron. .... But: were you a little too strict?"

Oh yes, watch "Groundhog day". At one point he knew all about her because he was hunting her. There is a happy end because the "quiz" became a lot deeper.